she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
