marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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