Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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