i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
