A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
