the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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