super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
