I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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