your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
