shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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