Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
