When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
