Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
