We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
