the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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