i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
