No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
