this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
