This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
