I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
