i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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