she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
