; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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