The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Still dying that you shit outside
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
