remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
