So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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