That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
