the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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