How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
