That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
