so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
