i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
