you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
