I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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