i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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