My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
