i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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