You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize