dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she told me i tasted like america
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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