im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
