nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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