she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
