Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
