I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
