I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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