How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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