how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize