i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
