i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
