it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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