dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
