i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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