are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
