the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
