"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
