just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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