lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
