My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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