:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
