I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize