and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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