They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
