there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
