Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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