This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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