I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
