Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The best revenge is premature balding
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
