she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So many bounce houses so little time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
