I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
