He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
