DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
