Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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