for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
