i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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