Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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