:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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