i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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